Happy anniversary!

I got married when I was 17 years old on this day in 1994! We have now been married 19 years! I've been so lucky to be married to such an amazing man for so long :-D

Feeling brave!

Entered the ballot for the London marathon yesterday.  Hope I get on although i think the chances are slim!

Weight loss

Well I have been doing well with my running, going to the gym and eating healthy and finally it is staying to pay off! After staying the same weight for some weeks I have lost 2.5lbs this week! Very pleased :-D

I am a runner! :D

Whoop Whoop!! Have just finished an 8 mile run - furthest I have ever run :D my legs were total jelly for the last 3 miles but feeling really proud of myself. Will watch the London marathon tomorrow thinking that maybe I'll be able to run that one day :D :D :D :D :D

Can't believe as a former M.E. sufferer that I can push my body to that extent. I am so much fitter now than I have ever been before in my entire life.  I am so proud of myself and all I am achieving. Bring on the next run!

Where is my motivation?

Feeling lazy today.  It's difficult sometimes when you are not working to find motivation.  I have been to the gym and walked the dog but I had planned a lot more for today.  Perhaps I'll be more productive after lunch!

New opportunities

The meeting went really well.  It would be an amazing opportunity for me to do work I know I enjoy and for a decent law firm.  He seems keen but need to get the approval of the other partners which could take a couple months  watch this space. ....

Cheer up Charlie

I feel fed up and stressed this morning which is ridiculous as it's Sunday and I've not got much to do.  Got my meeting tomorrow with a partner from a local law firm about a possible job so maybe that's What's got me wound up?

I've had a headache every day for over a week too and not sure what is causing it.  Any ideas? Going for a run helps which is odd.

I firmly believe that happiness is possible every day so I will try and be happy :)

Onwards and upwards

After my realisation yesterday of what is holding me back in achieving my weight and exercise goals I am now determined to conquer my fears.  Went to running club yesterday which was as hard as ever and off to the gym this morning.  New me here I come!

I think I'm just afraid

I joined our local gym about 3 months ago and I started a special diet and gym program. Firstly to help improve my running (which I felt was a real struggle at the time) and secondly to lose some weight (aiming for 1.5 stone).  I stuck to the diet for about 8 weeks and lost just under a stone but then I started feeling tired a lot.  I was running 3 times a week and going to the gym 3 times a week and my legs were always sore and aching.  I started thinking that I wasn't eating enough carbs for my running (as the diet was a low carb one) so I changed the diet but since then I have not really had any success losing weight and in fact I have put on 3lbs.

The gym runs a 12 week challenge where people have personal training and a strict diet for 12 weeks.  They have been posting pictures of people's weight loss of facebook.  Every-one has lost loads of weight, two women have lost 50lbs each - in just 12 weeks! I must admit I am feeling really jealous of them.  I want to lose weight and look amazing too! I know they have worked really hard, going to the gym 5 days a week and I know they have been on a really strict diet as well but I have always felt that I could not do the same as them and I have finally worked out why.

Basically, I am afraid.  After having M.E. for nearly 5 years I hate feeling tired and certainly hate being ill.  I am afraid that if I do a strict diet and up my exercise that it will make me tired or (even worse) ill.  This is why I have not reached my weight loss goals, this is why I am so easily persuaded to miss a run at the weekend.  I am terrified at the thought of 'overdoing it'.  I do not believe for a moment that I would get M.E. again so I don't really understand why I am so scared, but there it is, the sad truth, the reality of what is holding me back from achieving my weight loss and fitness goals.

I am not sure of the best way forward at the moment.  Of course, I do not want to be ill but I need to recognise that a certain level of fatigue is natural if you are working your body hard.  I guess I need to build my confidence in this world that is still very new to me.

I'll let you know how I get on.

A lot of time is spent at work

As previously mentioned I originally intended to train as a solicitor.  However, my main opportunity at this went totally pear shaped and I had to leave the job.  In 2010 we decided to move back to Devon as that is where our extended family lives.  Unfortunately, that appears to have been career suicide as there are very few opportunities in Devon.

Since 2010 I have had 4 different jobs.  two with law firms and two other jobs.  None of these have worked out for various reasons.  I think I am quite picky regarding work.  As I lost 5 years out of my life through being ill I am determined to find a job I enjoy and am not content to work full-time in a job that makes me unhappy.  Life is short and I do not want to waste any more time being unhappy.

This means that I am currently out of work.  I have applied for a few jobs that are totally different to what I have done before.  One of which I am quite excited about and that is to work as a library assistant - sounds like a dream job to me! the problem is that if you have extensive experience in one area it is actually very difficult trying to get a totally different job. I have also applied to work for our local hospice which is most unlikely as they rejected me before without interview.

Finally, as a last effort I have sent my CV to 8 local solicitor firms to see if they have any opportunities.  As a result of this I now have an appointment to meet with one of the partners next week to discuss possible paralegal opportunities.  this sounds very promising and it is a very well known and reputable firm.  So fingers crossed - perhaps my dream job is on its way to me!! I hope so.

Exercise - to run or not to run (again)

Blimey, this exercise lark is so hard sometimes.  It's Sunday and according to my running/exercise schedule Sunday should be my long slow run day.  Particularly if I'm genuinely hoping to do the Torbay half marathon in 11 weeks time (which I think I am).  Last Sunday I failed to do a run at all as was legs were really sore from my first running club run on Tuesday and another run with them Thursday, gym work Wednesday and Zumba Friday evening.  I decided my legs needed a well deserved rest and hoped for better things in week two.

Well, this is week two.  Running club has gone much better than the previous week but yesterday I felt terribly sick and extremely tired and went back to bed in the afternoon.  I am feeling a lot better today but wonder if I should rest an extra day just in case.  Whilst I do consider myself to be well and truly recovered from ME/CFS I do like to look after myself and absolutely hate feeling tired or ill.  I do not know if I am overly cautious but I would not do anything to jeopardise my wonderful health.

So it looks like I will not run again today.  Which means re-jigging my training plan once more for the half marathon.  I don't have a great deal of confidence in my running otherwise I would be certain that 11 weeks is more than enough for me to build up to a half marathon as there are many training plans allowing for this and of course I am already capable of running a 10K comfortably.

Roll on week 3 and a definite appointment for a long slow run next Sunday (I hope!)

To exercise or not to exercise?!

Yesterday was a difficult day exercise wise.  My legs were sore from the gym the day before and I had a slight headache all day long.

I was due to go to the running club in the evening but spent most of the day arguing within myself as to whether or not to go.  I was worried that when I got there I wouldn't be up to it and it is really hard at the best of times.

However, I managed to force myself out of the door and ran with the club - 'miraculously' the headache disappeared altogether and my legs were fine while running! So that was a good result.

It just shows how pointless worrying is and how silly it is to analyse everything all the time.  So from now on unless I am really unwell I am going to ignore my fears and just go for it!

Looking for a job - hoping for something better

I have just sent off an application to work for our local hospice.  They are such an amazing place, I would love to work there.  My father-in-law was there for the last week of his life and they were wonderful to him and to us.  I doubt that I will even get an interview though as I have applied there before.  My problem is that all my previous experience and qualifications are law based so employers write me off.

The thing is I desperately want a job where I feel I am helping people and making a difference in their lives.  Many jobs in the legal sector are just commercial, about getting money.  Clearly every business needs to be profitable but I don't want my work to be at the expense of other people.

My last job was spent suing people who owed my company money.  I was badly paid, the people we were suing were generally massively in debt and the directors of the company were raking it in, driving porsches and going abroad on holiday every 6 weeks.  It felt so wrong I had to leave.  I was speaking to people every day whose lives were falling apart and I was their worst nightmare.  My name was a swearword to them.

I so want a job where I am helping people but I am torn.  Can I get this in the legal sector or do I need to look elsewhere? If I look elsewhere, will any-one employ me?

Satisfying work - or the lack of

When I was a child I was never really sure of what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I thought about being a surgeon or working with horses and a hundred other things.  I always felt jealous of people who simply knew what job they wanted, they trained for it and they became it.  Like my mum.  As a child she wanted to be a teacher, when she grew up she still wanted to be a teacher and when the time came she trained and became and loved being a teacher.

I, however, have generally gone with whatever seemed good at the time.  I now find myself with a law degree and a post graduate diploma in legal practice with work experience in supermarkets, nursing homes, hotels, call centres and several law firms.

I am also currently out of work.

I have found it nearly impossible to find work that I enjoy.  I enjoyed my work in the law firm in the Midlands but have never been able to replicate that.  I guess moving to Devon largely put paid to my legal career!

I also have a sense that I would like to do something different with my life, something that helps make a difference in other people's lives.  I want my life and my work to count for something.  I don't know if I can do that with my law qualifications and experience or if I need to try and think outside the box.

Have any of you found a job you love or are you stuck in a job that you wish you could get out of?

Learning to run

My biggest success healthwise since recovering from M.E. has to be learning to run.  I always used to watch the London Marathon year after year and feel sad as I would never be able to run in it.  Even when I recovered from M.E. I felt that running would be a step too far and could make me ill again, I think because it is so energetic and so difficult.

However, in January 2012 I decided I should give it a go and started jogging at a snail's pace.  I did the couch to 5k app on my phone and to begin with I could barely run for 30 seconds at a time.  Fast forward a year and I could run about 6 miles.  However, I often had to stop to walk, so i joined a gym and did some run-specific exercises to build my leg muscles up.  I think through being ill for so many years my leg muscles were non-existent!

This helped my running massively and I have found it much easier since.  So much so that I have now run a 10K race for Age UK and finished in a time of 1 hour 3 mins and 41 seconds.  I was so pleased - as you can see from my picture! I have now signed up for another 10K and a half marathon! Wish me luck!

5 years since the lightning process! :D

I started the lightning process on 11 March 2008 and that was the day that my life began again.  I have now been well for 5 WHOLE YEARS! and I can hardly believe my luck.  Things have not always gone smoothly but how wonderful life is when you are 100% well :D

Since recovering from M.E. I have climbed Snowdon, I have started running and am running my first 10K race in 10 days time (bit scared!).  I have been working full time and I have been going to the gym 3 times a week.

I can honestly say that I am in the shape of my life.

I am fitter, healthier, stronger and more energetic than I have ever been before in my life

and

it 

is

awesome!!! :D

My recovery from M.E.

Here is a link to my recovery story from M.E. which is on the website called Fatigue Answers which is by the person who ran the lightning process course when I took it.

http://www.fatigueanswers.com/me-recovery-stories-rachel.html

What is life all about?

When I finished work in 2010 I felt like I had lost my zest for life, I was purposeless, planless, I had no idea where I was going in life or why I am here (on this planet).  Apparently other people don't have these thoughts or needs, apparently some people manage to go through life without wondering 'what it's all about'.  Well not this girl, I am capable of obsessing over these questions at length, through the night, the thought is there when I go to sleep and when I wake, I can dream about it, talk about it and worry about it but no answers are forthcoming.

Anyway, apparently the non-thinkers do not ask themselves this question because they are too busy.  They fill their lives to the brim so the silence does not descend on them and make them question their existence.  Do you think this is a good idea? I'm not so sure.

Life after the lightning process

So the Lightning Process restored me to full health but now I wondered what to do with my life.  Should I go back to law or look for something new?  I made the decision to go back to law.  I got in touch with Advance Legal and started working there again.  I started the Legal Practice Course but part-time.  Fast forward two years and I was totally stressed out with work, colleagues had been sacked and threatened with dismissal, work was coming out of my ears, I was not sleeping.  In fact I felt like I was heading for a nervous breakdown. What was the point of surviving ME if this was my new life?  So I finished work and completed the LPC with a distinction.  Life had changed dramatically in Barton under Needwood so we decided to move back to Devon.

Back in Devon, boys in new schools, I needed to look for a job. I went through two jobs with law firms and then decided law was no longer for me.  This was followed by a period of illness which was disconcertingly similar to M.E.  Panicky that I had injured my health I spent some time resting and recuperating. However,as soon as I felt well again I decided to train as an advisor for the CAB.  Six months later I realised that this was a poor substitute for a legal career and it really was, finally, time to look into something entirely different.

Getting my life back after M.E.

So, ME/chronic fatigue/post viral fatigue syndrome.  The condition that threatened to ruin my life and in fact in many ways did actually ruin my life for almost 5 years.

I was so ambitious, reasonably intelligent, academic and had great plans for my life - career, husband, family and a lovely smallholding with my own horses, sheep, geese, dogs and ducks.  I had aimed to start off with my career but life intervened and I found myself at the age of 18 married to Steve and with a lovely son called Nathan.  By 21 I had my second son called Alex and at this time I decided I should really revive my career ideas.

6 years later I completed my law degree with the Open University and after applying to law firms all over the country was offered a training contract in Burton upon Trent with a firm called Advance Legal.  Within 3 weeks of getting the job I had moved myself and my family to the Midlands and we were living in a village called Barton under Needwood.  I worked as a legal clerk initially and then was to finish work for one year while I completed the Legal Practice Course full time.  I would then return as a trainee solicitor and my career would be on track...

Fast forward 6 months and I was ill with tonsillitis  then an ear infection, then tonsillitis  then I was told I had a virus.  I dragged myself to college for 6 months but was getting more and more ill until finally I realised that to continue would make me desperately ill so I left.  Eventually was diagnosed with ME and told by doctors there was nothing they could do to help me and 'self-help' was all that was available.

Spent 2 years house-bound, feeling like I constantly had the flu, unable to look after my children, my home and barely myself.

Next 3 years were more bearable as I managed to have some kind of social life and life with my family but still unable to work.

Until some-one recommended I did the 'Lightening Process' which some ME sufferers had experienced miraculous recovery with and I thought to myself - if it can work for them, it can work for me and luckily for me it did.  Work that is.  The lightening process restored me to full health, the only decision then was what to do with my life?